Kinsale Bridge Club

Applied Physics
Light travels faster than sound - this is why some bridge players appear bright until you hear them speak in the post mortem

How much exercise?
A doctor, concerned about the physical condition of one of his bridge-playing patients, asked during the examination:  "Do you get much exercise"?    "Only when I sit East-West" was the reply

Every Day
"Every day you play worse and worse but today you are playing like it is tomorrow"

How should I have played?
How should I have played that hand asked her partner - "Under an assumed Name" was the reply

Divorce
“What grounds do you cite for divorce?” asked the judge.  “Infidelity, your honour! I overheard my husband gloated to his chum on the phone the other night on how he managed to strip-squeeze some minx called Vera and she quickly surrendered to him.”

What's in his hand?
The hostess got a last minute call from one of the players to say that she was sick.  Unable to get a replacement at short notice, she drafted in her husband, a mediocre player with an attitude.  During the game, he got up and went to the bathroom, leaving the door slightly ajar.  Everyone listened as he urinated into the toilet.  

Embarrassed, his wife called out, "Peter, would you please close the door".  Peter's partner said, "Never mind, it's the first time sice we started playing that I've known what the man has in his hand".

So True …
Bridge is a great comfort in your old age. It also helps you get there faster.

We had a partnership misunderstanding. My partner assumed I knew what I was doing.

An engineer shouts in his cell phone: "There is no goddamn bridge here! Only a bunch of crazy people gathering around card tables"